After one month of dating, my now husband met my daughter after 1 month of dating... Let the judgements begin, it's okay lol. From the outside looking in I would probably judge too. I remember that day so clearly, it was an encounter that wasn't intentional on my end at all but, God knows best. I got my daughter ready and drove to her school just to find out that they were closed that day for whatever reason it was. So, I drove back home. I already had a day date planned and I did not want to cancel it. So, I called Dro and told him that my daughter doesn't have school today, is it okay if she comes along with us. He replies, "of course." I could've easily rescheduled the date but, I was really interested in this guy and what a perfect opportunity to see how he interacts with my daughter before I end up wasting my time. Obviously, the fact that we're now married tells you that their first encounter went great. We got to the restaurant and they spent 70% of the time drawing and making each other laugh. My daughter opened up to him as if it was someone that she knew forever. We then went to the park and for me the rest was history because their connection was so genuine. My daughter met him before anyone, before my parents or any of my friends.
I think until you become a parent and are put into certain situations, you'll never understand why we make some of the decisions we make.
For me, I don't like to waste my time. I had already made up my mind and decided that this is someone that I see myself moving forward with but, if the encounter with him and my daughter didn't go well, I would have to discontinue this potential relationship. I joke with him all the time and tell him that "Abby secured your spot" and he'll say, "she saw my heart." Which I believe is a true statement; I believe that little children can see beyond the adult eyes and sense energies. Pay attention to your child when they do not feel comfortable around someone, whether it be a family, friend or stranger. So, when is the proper time to introduce your child/children to the person you're dating? There is no proper timing; when you feel like you and this person are ready to take that step then don't be afraid to include your child. Every situation is different of course so here are a few tips before making that decision.
1. If you and your ex were married or living together, take your time. Not just for you and the relationship but, for the child. This child was probably used to mom and dad living together and doing maybe everything together. So, a divorce or separation can have a significant amount of impact on him/her emotionally and mentally. I would make sure the child understands that mom and dad still loves each other but, a romantic relationship is something that will no longer be between the two (if the child is old enough to understand). For me, my ex and I never lived together; it was almost always, my daughter and I or him and my daughter. So, there was no major change to her lifestyle once we separated. Also, because she was so small when we separated, there isn't much memories of her father and I.
2. Take a step back away from your heart and your feelings and think rationally; "is this someone I really see myself doing life with?" "Would they make a great step parent to my child?" "Are they mature enough to have a co-parenting relationship with my child's mother/father?" "How do they handle the people around them or situations when they're angry?" "What is my child's demeanor and behavior like when he/she comes around?" Be completely honest with yourself for your child's sake and if they are any red flags, maybe hold off on introducing this person to your child or just cut it off.
3. If you know that every three months or so, you're dating someone new, do not introduce this person to your child. If your dating life is a revolving door, keep your child out of it. You may not be ready for a serious relationship right now (and that's okay) but, allow your child to see healthy relationships from you. The way we live our life as parents and guardians plays a big role in a child's future and mindset.
4. Last but not least, pray about the person you're dating. God will reveal to you so much if you talk to Him about the person that you're dating before you introduce them into the people in your life. Pay attention when he speaks to you.
I hope this blessed someone. Love, Lynn Jacques.
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